The man I was always missing
I wrote a Facebook post 3 years ago, something along the lines of this blog but I am writing it again because it is near and dear to my heart. For those who know me, and I mean truly know me, know that I grew up without my biological father. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't say I grew up without a dad but it took me 30 years of my life to truly understand that.
Three years ago I graduated college, It was a crazy busy journey to get to that day but it finally came. I was a single parent working 3 jobs and going to college to make a better living for myself. I knew the road wouldn't be easy but I did everything I needed to do to get there. I was the first grandchild to graduate college. I was the first out of my parent's children to graduate college. I overcame the statistic of young single parents not completing school. It was a huge accomplish for myself coming from the childhood I had. All that aside, I was proud to show everyone that I could do it. The day was here and I did it! It's graduation day and my family drove 7 hours to come watch me walk across that stage!
Celebration is a good thing and everyone wants the memories. We snapped a ton of pictures and rush out the door. My family sat in the crowd and cheered as loud as they could when I walked across that stage. You could tell they were proud, and as if one graduation isn't enough, my younger sister graduated the next morning. After my graduation we had no time to celebrate, we loaded up several cars and drove 7 hours back to see her graduate. It gets even better, my sister's boyfriend proposed to her that night! Whew, talk about some excitement! Two graduations and an engagement were a lot in one weekend but it wasn't until after everything died down that the real excitement set in!
I never expressed it much but growing up without my biological father was always hard for me. I dealt with it in some of the worst ways because I didn't know what to do with those emotions. From a little girl to a grown woman, I used to think "the man of my life" was always missing. I used to tell myself "Girl get yo life together" and he will want you. I used to think if I got my life together, he would be so proud of all the things I accomplished. He would tell me he's loved me this whole time. He would want to get to know my daughter. He would pick her up on the weekends like grandparents do. I thought he would set a good example of what my future husband should be like. Really, I mean that is what I have always thought men who have daughter's are supposed to do! It was an image in my head but for some reason deep down I knew it would never come true. That didn't stop me from wishing "the man of my life" would be there.
On May 13, 2016 that all changed! I remember that day perfectly, because it was when my heart became whole! It hit me, THERE HE STOOD...RIGHT BY MY SIDE! "The man of my life" had been there FOREVER! It took one simple picture from my graduation day, for me realize "the man of my life" had been my DAD this whole time. This man stepped up to be "the man of my life" when someone else obviously couldn't handle the task. I can't imagine what it felt like for him taken on a life of two girls that weren't biologically his but he never showed us any different. He came into our lives and loved us like we were his own. He knew before we did, that he would love our future children. From the moment he learned to love a stranger, I became his daughter and he never considered leaving my side.
It's heartbreaking that it took me that long to figure this out. I always thought there was a little piece of my heart missing. I always felt like a void needed to be filled, so when this day came it was a great feeling! God had placed something very valuable on my heart! It took me almost 30 years, to love my dad unconditionally and treat him with the utmost respect for all he had done. I have a different relationship with my dad than most might understand. I favor him in a way that sometimes one shouldn't between their parents. It's not that I don't love my mom, because I do. I just love my dad a little differently for always choosing me. Even when my parents got a divorce, he never stopped loving me as his own. My dad still loves me as much as he did when I was 5 years old. He loves his grand babies just as much as any other grandpa in this world. This speaks volumes for me, "the man of my life" has always done exactly what I thought he would do. He is so proud of all my accomplishments, he has loved me my whole life, he loves his grandchildren and picks them up when he can, he has shown me exactly what my future husband should be like. My dad has always been "the man of my life" and I will never forget that.
I am not an expert on this topic but sometimes, I think we create this image in our head that we are not good enough. My past experiences made life feel like no one would want us for who we truly are. It wasn't until 3 years ago that I realized, no matter how much I tell myself "Girl get yo life together!" my Dad will always love me for who I am!
Three years ago I graduated college, It was a crazy busy journey to get to that day but it finally came. I was a single parent working 3 jobs and going to college to make a better living for myself. I knew the road wouldn't be easy but I did everything I needed to do to get there. I was the first grandchild to graduate college. I was the first out of my parent's children to graduate college. I overcame the statistic of young single parents not completing school. It was a huge accomplish for myself coming from the childhood I had. All that aside, I was proud to show everyone that I could do it. The day was here and I did it! It's graduation day and my family drove 7 hours to come watch me walk across that stage!
Celebration is a good thing and everyone wants the memories. We snapped a ton of pictures and rush out the door. My family sat in the crowd and cheered as loud as they could when I walked across that stage. You could tell they were proud, and as if one graduation isn't enough, my younger sister graduated the next morning. After my graduation we had no time to celebrate, we loaded up several cars and drove 7 hours back to see her graduate. It gets even better, my sister's boyfriend proposed to her that night! Whew, talk about some excitement! Two graduations and an engagement were a lot in one weekend but it wasn't until after everything died down that the real excitement set in!
I never expressed it much but growing up without my biological father was always hard for me. I dealt with it in some of the worst ways because I didn't know what to do with those emotions. From a little girl to a grown woman, I used to think "the man of my life" was always missing. I used to tell myself "Girl get yo life together" and he will want you. I used to think if I got my life together, he would be so proud of all the things I accomplished. He would tell me he's loved me this whole time. He would want to get to know my daughter. He would pick her up on the weekends like grandparents do. I thought he would set a good example of what my future husband should be like. Really, I mean that is what I have always thought men who have daughter's are supposed to do! It was an image in my head but for some reason deep down I knew it would never come true. That didn't stop me from wishing "the man of my life" would be there.
On May 13, 2016 that all changed! I remember that day perfectly, because it was when my heart became whole! It hit me, THERE HE STOOD...RIGHT BY MY SIDE! "The man of my life" had been there FOREVER! It took one simple picture from my graduation day, for me realize "the man of my life" had been my DAD this whole time. This man stepped up to be "the man of my life" when someone else obviously couldn't handle the task. I can't imagine what it felt like for him taken on a life of two girls that weren't biologically his but he never showed us any different. He came into our lives and loved us like we were his own. He knew before we did, that he would love our future children. From the moment he learned to love a stranger, I became his daughter and he never considered leaving my side.
It's heartbreaking that it took me that long to figure this out. I always thought there was a little piece of my heart missing. I always felt like a void needed to be filled, so when this day came it was a great feeling! God had placed something very valuable on my heart! It took me almost 30 years, to love my dad unconditionally and treat him with the utmost respect for all he had done. I have a different relationship with my dad than most might understand. I favor him in a way that sometimes one shouldn't between their parents. It's not that I don't love my mom, because I do. I just love my dad a little differently for always choosing me. Even when my parents got a divorce, he never stopped loving me as his own. My dad still loves me as much as he did when I was 5 years old. He loves his grand babies just as much as any other grandpa in this world. This speaks volumes for me, "the man of my life" has always done exactly what I thought he would do. He is so proud of all my accomplishments, he has loved me my whole life, he loves his grandchildren and picks them up when he can, he has shown me exactly what my future husband should be like. My dad has always been "the man of my life" and I will never forget that.
I am not an expert on this topic but sometimes, I think we create this image in our head that we are not good enough. My past experiences made life feel like no one would want us for who we truly are. It wasn't until 3 years ago that I realized, no matter how much I tell myself "Girl get yo life together!" my Dad will always love me for who I am!
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